i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
