We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
