I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
