I puked a lego.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
