so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
