the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
