My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Holy shit dude........stairs
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
