i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
