Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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