I want to make a zoo with you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
