Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
