I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
