..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
