two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
