OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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