I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
