naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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