Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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