Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
