I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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