Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The Olympian is in my bed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
