she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
