the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
