Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
