my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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