I'm really into asian looking animals
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
