He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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