Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We have started to decorate penises.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
