so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
