I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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