I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
