you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
