the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
