: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
