She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
