i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
