i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
