yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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