so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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