okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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