she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize