I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
