I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
