So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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