see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
