he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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