would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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