she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
