Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
