So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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