And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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