i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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