So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
