The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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