I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
