I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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