woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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