woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
