paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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