Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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