two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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