Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize