Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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