My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
