forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize