Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
