Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
