I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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