My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
