you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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