Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
