see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
