Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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