Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
