Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize