If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
