Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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