There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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