I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
