Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
