my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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