and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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