The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
