More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
