tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
