The maid of honor just puked.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
